I was sitting outside the cafe on my lunch break, talking to one of the other mall employees about the Pride Parade and how sad I am that I don't get to participate this year. A passerby (who turned out to be of the Homosexuality Should Be Criminalized camp - gotta love Bellevue) promptly informed me that I was going to hell, and that we liberals were domestic terrorists who ought to be expelled from the country.

I just stared for a minute and then walked away without another word because I was still in uniform and there was no way that was gonna end well.

But the more I thought about it, the happier it made me. It's a hell of a compliment. If you see me as a threat to your Ideal Nation of empty tradition, religious intolerance, homophobia and stifling elitism? GOOD. I must be doing something right.
Found the most amazing wall clock (second picture for size scale) buried under a pile of tripe on a clearance shelf at Target. I know it doesn't look like much right now but I have Plans - I am going to steampunk the hell out of this thing.

The clock faces themselves provide perfect canvases for decoration. I think I might cover the supporting wires with brass adhesive foil tape, to add some color and make the black clocks stand out a bit more. Instead of cities I'm going to label them PAST, PRESENT and FUTURE - or possibly LAST WEEK, TODAY and NEXT YEAR. Although all three clocks work I'm only going to put a battery in the middle clock so it'll look like the other two can be reset at will for time-travel destinations.

And while we're on the subject of science, did anyone else see this? 16-year-old decomposes plastic in three months, provides (potential) solution for a major environmental issue.
This article is a surprisingly insightful look at women and the images we portray and the influence we wield - either in the System of Beauty or the System of Power.

It articulates much of what I love most about Angelina Jolie. I happen to think she's pretty amazing, for a flawed human being like the rest of us; she stands up to the world and sends them a message that, holy shit, women can be more than one thing at once. She doesn't let anyone pigeonhole her and it's an inspiration to the rest of us that we don't have to either.

Sarah Palin on the other hand tries to do many of the same things Jolie does without anywhere near as much success - but she's working within the system of power, which is traditionally a male venue, rather than the system of beauty (traditionally female.) You have to wonder whether it's their wildly differing politics that make the difference, or the spheres in which they operate. I mean, I can still appreciate the things Palin has accomplished even if I spectacularly disagree with her policies.

The difference, in my head, is that while Angelina Jolie tries to reject every stereotype in the book, Sarah Palin almost seems like she's trying to be them all at once. Palin is determined to be The Perfect Hockey Mom and The Perfect International Spokeswoman and The Perfect Face Of America at the same time; Jolie has an attitude that says, "Nope. I'm not a perfect anything. So fucking what? I'm still good at what I do." I think there are a lot more women - and probably a lot more people in general - who can relate to the latter sentiment. Nobody wants to get stuck playing perfect for their whole lives. Not even if it's a role they like.
Lately I keep getting songs stuck in my head whose lyrics are either in Italian or Latin. This is driving me batshit. I have a thing about having to know the words to songs; usually, this is not a problem, since I can hear a song two or three times and sing it back flawlessly.

I am however discovering that this only works if I know what the words are. I cannot simply remember the sounds the singers make. I have to go and look up the words before they will stick in my head - even if I don't actually know what the words MEAN.

I find this intriguing. I wonder what it is that makes my brain work that way. I thought perhaps it was just that Italian and Latin are close enough to English that I can sort of guess at meanings, but when I ran a test the same rule applied to the Japanese and German songs in my collection.

You learn something new every day, I guess.
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[livejournal.com profile] naamah_darling's Bloody Hell! rant is classic, but The Great 'Stop Fucking Him' Post deserves an honorable mention.
victorianpirate: (Default)
( Jun. 10th, 2009 01:39 pm)
"Don't make someone a priority if they only make you an option."

This is a well-phrased encapsulation of the main reason I don't date much. I don't mind being an option as long as I know that's where I stand; but when I'm dating someone, they're my priority, and that needs to be reciprocal.
I was talking to my brother earlier today. At one point he stops and says, "How do you always have such a good attitude about everything?!" It brought me up short because I was so surprised.

The easy answer, of course, is that I don't. I deal with depression. There are days when I am incredibly bitter and angry. There are times when I hate the world and want only to take it apart piece by piece. There are moments when I am absolutely certain that I am going to die old and alone and unloved, in total defiance of all evidence to the contrary.

I have gotten very, very good at telling that part of my brain to shut the fuck up. Which doesn't quiet those thoughts; it only reminds me that I don't have to listen to them. I have a choice. We always have a choice.

But my brother isn't entirely wrong. I am a nauseatingly happy person most of the time. "It's a major failing in a Goth, being this cheerful," I told him, laughing.

I guess the real answer is that I don't live in fear. I have already hit rock bottom in my psychological life. For a long time I walked toward Death because I thought I wanted out. When I arrived I looked him in the eye and said, "Nope. You're right. I don't want to be here." And I turned around and walked away again.

I have been walking ever since.

I don't mean to imply that I don't feel pain. I do. I'm just not afraid of it anymore. No matter how much something hurts, I know I've been through worse and survived it. It'd be awfully silly to let something trivial get to me. I do not seek out pain, but I no longer run away from it either. Pain is part of life. You let yourself experience it, you let yourself learn from it, but you never EVER let it define you.

So yes, I have a good attitude about everything, because it's too hard not to when you realize just how amazing your life is.
victorianpirate: (Sinfest (DEATH!))
( Jun. 1st, 2009 09:35 pm)
Abney Park. Andrea Bocelli. Dishwalla. Ayria. Angelspit. Bear McCreary. Ben DJ. Beborn Beton. Black Eyed Peas. Britney Spears. Corvus Corax. Covenant. The MadHatters. Delain. Guster. Discotronic. Tufts Beelzebubs. Evanescence. Faderhead. Frou Frou. Highland. In Strict Confidence. Thirteen Senses. Kan'Nal. Prodigy. Kylie Minogue. Lady Gaga. Eddie Izzard. Ladytron. Lily Allen. Nelly Furtado with Justin Timberlake & Timbaland. Neuroticfish. Nickelback. Nightwish. Pale. Poe. Project Pitchfork. Rihanna. Rufus Wainwright. She Wants Revenge. Shiny Toy Guns. [livejournal.com profile] s00j. Stephen Lynch. Franz Ferdinand. The Zombies. Tori Amos. VNV Nation. Zombie Girl.

This is what is on my MP3 player at the moment. Is it just me, or does my taste in music have serious A.D.D.?
victorianpirate: (Default)
( May. 30th, 2009 12:38 pm)
Tape-measure shibari FOR THE WIN.
Just ten hours left until the corset-making workshop, and I still have not decided which of my multitude of fabrics I want to use for the ruddy thing.

The solution? BRING THEM ALL!
victorianpirate: (Default)
( May. 29th, 2009 12:33 pm)
Belay that - charger has been found. All better.
victorianpirate: (Default)
( May. 24th, 2009 11:18 am)
Can anyone recommend any books/articles on psychological conditioning or posthypnotic suggestion?
victorianpirate: (Default)
( May. 21st, 2009 04:09 pm)
NOTHING is going to spoil my great mood today, but man, some people sure are trying. I'm glad they're not getting to me.
It's gratifying to know that I can still get the, "Wow you're a really good dancer!" reaction even when I'm the only one on the dance floor. It's also gratifying to know that I've grown enough balls in the last year that I'm okay being the only one on the dance floor.

That said, it's easier to enjoy that whole dancing thing when you aren't feeling exhausted and ill. Wearing a grubby work uniform doesn't help much either. (Although the look on Marius' face was priceless. "I didn't even know you OWNED tennis shoes!") Ended up canceling on [livejournal.com profile] forgodestiny and shoving off home early to sleep.

Still... Sinfest once again wins at life. Am I the only one who's actually gotten that line?
VNV Nation

I know it's hard to tell how mixed up you feel
Hoping what you need is behind every door
Each time you get hurt, I don't want you to change
Because everyone has hopes, you're human after all
The feeling sometimes, wishing you were someone else
Feeling as though you never belong
This feeling is not sadness, this feeling is not joy
I truly understand, please don't cry now

Please don't go, I want you to stay
I'm begging you please, please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate for all the hurt that you feel
The world is just illusion trying to change you

Being like you are
Well this is something else - who would comprehend?
But some that do, lay claim divine purpose blesses them
That's not what I believe, and it doesn't matter anyway
A part of your soul ties you to the next world
Or maybe to the last, but I'm still not sure
But what I do know, is to us the world is different
As we are to the world; I guess you would know that

Please don't go, I want you to stay
I'm begging you please, please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate for all the hurt that you feel
The world is just illusion trying to change you
Please don't go, I want you to stay
I'm begging you please, oh please don't leave here
I don't want you to change for all the hurt that you feel
This world is just illusion always trying to change you

Please don't go, I want you to stay
I'm begging you please, please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate for all the hurt that you feel
The world is just illusion trying to change you
Please don't go, I want you to stay
I'm begging you please, oh please don't leave here
I don't want you to change for all the hurt that you feel
This world is just illusion always trying to change you
victorianpirate: (Misc (all-purpose EMO icon))
( May. 12th, 2009 10:36 am)
...aaaaaand straight in on the heels of the I-cannot-spend-any-money-right-now post, I find out VNV Nation is coming to the Showbox at the Market.

I hate my life. LOL
You will always, always be wrong.

Exhibit A: Harry Potter: UR DOIN IT RONG.

Exhibit B: I'm a fan of zombie!fic and all, but what bad acid trip convinced this guy this would be a good idea? The fact that there is apparently a MARKET for this stuff is what really scares me.
It is hilarious to me that I can make an absolutely phenomenal Thai coconut curry... and yet I cannot cook rice properly.

Seriously, it's ALWAYS either too soggy or too dry, regardless of cooking method or amount of water or type of rice. Rice is my arch nemesis in the culinary world. THIS SHOULD NOT BE THAT HARD.
"Fashion flogs an ever-receding fantasy that feasts on the lie that if everyone thinks they are ugly, they will spend more to send the ugliness away."

The quote, from this article, sums up everything I never understood about the world of high fashion. I could never comprehend it - why in hellfire do women spend thousands of dollars they often can't afford on a dress or purse or shoes that look no different (at least to me) than the stuff you can find at Payless or Nordstrom's Rack? Yes, I know some of you are cringing right now (*cough*[livejournal.com profile] ravinsky*cough*) but I genuinely can't tell the difference much of the time.

Now I understand it. These items are charms against ugliness. Our belief in their power to change us makes them magic. And because we believe they will transform us, they do.

On the one hand I'm glad I finally understand; on the other hand it makes me sad in a whole new way, and it adds fuel to my loathing of the "beauty" industry. They spend thousands of dollars telling us we're ugly so that we will give them thousands of dollars to make us beautiful. Their very existence relies on hoping that we never wake up and realize just how beautiful we really are.

I will not spend money to send my ugliness away. Partly because I do not have money to spend, partly because I believe ugliness is a necessary thing sometimes... but mostly because I have more power to banish ugliness in one pinkie finger than any thousand-dollar dress has ever had.

I write beautiful things. I draw beautiful things. I make beautiful things - clothing and jewelry and love. Who is going to tell me that my life is incomplete because I don't own a designer dress?

I'm weird about my web design: I write my code by hand from memory. I'll use Frontpage if I have to do tables, because I am not good at the numbers game and can't make images line up properly if I have to work out cell dimensions in my head, but that's it. Frontpage doesn't have much in the way of features and I've never used any of the newer web development tools/programs that have come out in the last four years or so since I stopped doing web design regularly.

I knew I was old-fashioned. I did NOT realize I was living in the fucking Dark Ages.

I just spent an hour mucking around with Web Expressions, and I'm pretty sure I've died and gone to style sheet heaven. The phrase, "Oh my stars and garters!" may or may not have been used. Mostly may.

Too bad there's that bit where it costs $300 I will never have... but damn that was fun to play with.


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