[Kinky] "Kinky" does NOT equal "traumatized."

[victorianpirate]

Something is really hitting a nerve today. So frequently lately I find myself coming up against the implicit (or even explicit!) assumption that people only ever get into BDSM because they've had some kind of traumatic experience. It's such utter tripe. Even over on FetLife.com where people embrace it as a positive thing, using D/s to cope with and overcome old abuses - and make no mistake, I do enormously respect and support their ability to do so - it still frequently seems to come with the assumption that something screwed you up before you were drawn into the scene: abuse, or repression, or neglect, or whatever.

What about those of us with none of the above?

You guys, I had probably the most boringly idyllic childhood it is possible to have growing up in the good old US of A these days. My family didn't have money, but we had a lot of love. There were bedtime stories and summer camping trips and imaginary adventures with my best friend. There were birthday parties and barbecues and books instead of television. Even when my parents got divorced they kept their differences between themselves and made certain my brother and I knew they both still loved us very much. We never saw them fight, not once. When Mum found God and we started going to church on Sundays she refused to have us baptized because she wanted us to be able to find our own paths in our own time. There was no abuse in my family, no alcoholism, no neglect. The absolute worst thing I can remember happening was being soundly scolded for bad grades.

I had my issues growing up. Hell, I had whole damn subscriptions, and there are scars on my arms and legs to prove it. But they were my issues and I owned them. They weren't forced on me by anyone or anything. And they definitely have nothing to do with my affinity for BDSM. Bondage was just something I ran smack up against out of the blue, and my entire world sort of shifted three feet left and went "click." It was like some part of me had found a home.

I'd always been kinky; I'd simply never had word for it 'til then.

I guess I'm just tired of feeling like innocence is something I should have to apologize for.

Comments

[lysandrea.livejournal.com]

Thank. You.

Bondage was just something I ran smack up against out of the blue, and my entire world sort of shifted three feet left and went "click." It was like some part of me had found a home.

That explains wht happened to me in words that are far more eloquent than I could find on my own.

When I mention what I'm "into" I get this stereotypical reaction of something-much-be-wrong-with-you! that it drives me insane. I had a god-awful childhood and adolesence, but those issues were long since buried. They don't haunt the life I have now. I enjoy various forms of kink for the simple fact that it sparks something in me, and I like it.

Mind if I save this little gem in case someone throws their stupidity at me again? I will tell them that an awesome friend of mine has something to share.. or, something.

[inkandalchemy.livejournal.com]

By all means, chiquita. *hugs* Glad it could help. I'll make the entry public so others can read it then.

[faerievixen2.livejournal.com]

That's why I appreciate having an open-minded therapist.

I'm not poly because I had an unstable home life, I'm poly because dammit, it works for me.

[inkandalchemy.livejournal.com]

No kidding! Therapists can make such a positive difference, as long as they respect our choices as choices, not as problems.

[fearless-son.livejournal.com]

My mother was quite angry at my therapist for a while because she respected my choice to sterility. My mother was hoping that she would convince me otherwise.

[inkandalchemy.livejournal.com]

Yes, well, your mother is the one who needs the therapist. And you need to stand up to her more.

[fearless-son.livejournal.com]

At the time, I thought she could have used a therapist.

But as it is, I do tend to stand up to her if I really have to. We rarely find ourselves in disagreement though. Granted, I prefer to avoid confronting her though out of a desire to not let our relations become strained.

[dudelovenext.livejournal.com]

Personally, I think it's people just dirtying sexual practices. Lots of people love to do it, for whatever reasons (one of them, I'm guessing, would be that they would like to participate but feel they can't for moral/religious/whatever reasons).