"Don't make someone a priority if they only make you an option."

This is a well-phrased encapsulation of the main reason I don't date much. I don't mind being an option as long as I know that's where I stand; but when I'm dating someone, they're my priority, and that needs to be reciprocal.

From: [identity profile] mlerules.livejournal.com

Ooooooooh, yeah. May I repost this quote (w/credit given, natch)?

From: [identity profile] inkandalchemy.livejournal.com

By all means re-post it, but it isn't credit to me - I found it (uncredited) on someone's profile on FetLife. :)

From: [identity profile] shirtlifterbear.livejournal.com

There's a line in "The Opposite of Sex" that sums it up for me:

"When you enter a room, I should be the first person you look for."

That's it, EXACTLY.

From: [identity profile] libraryraven.livejournal.com

This, and with the caveat of not getting angry if sometimes I am not the first person my partner looks for when they enter a room.

From: [identity profile] fearless-son.livejournal.com

What does it say about me that I see myself as an option in any relationship, while I always view my partner as a priority?

From: [identity profile] fearless-son.livejournal.com

I prefer to think of it as viewing myself objectively, or at least as objectively as I can manage.

From: [identity profile] inkandalchemy.livejournal.com

Well, to me it says a lot about why you keep getting hurt.

The quote is more about how your partner views you, rather than simply how you view yourself. If you see yourself as an option and your partner as a priority, but they still see you as a priority even though you may not consider yourself to be such, that's one thing. If on the other hand they see you as an option and you see them as a priority, that's a major disconnect that doesn't bode well for the relationship - and which I think has often been your problem (and mine) in the past.

From: [identity profile] sidhefire.livejournal.com

Love that!... I think I'm going to print it up and put it over my desk.

From: [identity profile] inkandalchemy.livejournal.com

Absolutely. I'd say this goes for any type of relationship - friendly, family, romantic, even professional to a degree.

From: [identity profile] tinman-landofoz.livejournal.com

I like to think of my relationships as "I don't need you in my life. I want you to share it with me."

So, I don't know where that falls into your optional vs. priority view. But I can agree with shirtlifterbear.

From: [identity profile] inkandalchemy.livejournal.com

Actually I completely agree with you. If someone is a priority simply by default because you need them around, because you can't survive without them, that's just plain not healthy. I believe in actively choosing to make someone a priority because you value their presence in your life. I merely meant that choosing to make someone a priority if they're going to treat you like this is just as unhealthy.


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